We Meet Again….
Hi! Remember me?
Didn’t think so….
I could go into justifying why I haven’t blogged like I do every other time I do my annual blog post, but you know what? You should know by now that this is how I roll…
I thought I’d split this big long update into three parts. This one, being the first will sort of outline my thoughts on Photography, this past Summer and my journey so far in photography. The next post I’ll write about my time in England, then the third and last Scotland.
So, off we go.
I’ve been one to say for as long as I can remember that I would travel the world, I was just that kind of person that had that kind of wanderlust inside of them. But I’ve never been the type of person to be able to pull the trigger. Like half of me says “see the world, who cares, go!” and the other half says, “No! wait, what about your job, how can you afford this, are you going by yourself?! What about this? Or what about that?!”
Can anyone relate to this? Literally being torn in half by a wanderlust sense of adventure and the other half an indecisive overthinker?
This summer I let my wanderlust side finally come out. In a month I booked and planned a two-week adventure in England and Scotland with a good friend of mine. And I feel like I’ve come back with a new sense of wonder and that I want to see the world, and let my wanderlust side out a little more, because she was kinda fun.
This year has been a bit of a whirlwind in that I thought that I had it figured out. That God had given me a tangible piece of information, and that I knew his plan. But it seems like I only tried to figure out one tiny piece of God’s puzzle that in the grand scheme of things isn’t really part of the big picture.
There way a guy.
A few years ago when I met him, I heard distinctly “there he is, your husband.” seeing as he was dating someone at the time, and I wasn’t even friends with him, I kind of ignored the call. But a year and a bit later, it seemed God had intended for him to be in my life. We became fast friends. He was the type of person that didn’t let anyone tell him how to act or how to be. He had a story of his own and he had his battles. He wasn’t perfect, he still isn’t but he never let anyone make him think he wasn’t worthy of God’s grace or love. I really admired and respected that about him.
We tended to be the type that would let each other be our true selves around each other. We always joked around and flirted, but the tricky thing with having friendships with males in the church is maintaining certain boundaries with each other, it’s hard when tensions arise that make us start to over think our relationships with the opposite sex.
I started to wonder after a few flirtatious situations that maybe the distinct voice I heard a year prior had some merit to it. I approached the situation with honesty and asked him. He in a sense shot me down, saying that we were just friends.
Fast forward to three months later, after countless conversations, and indiscretions. I’m back to thinking the distinct voice has no merit. or at least I’m trying to.
Why am I bringing this up when I should be talking about my trip? Well, getting away from him was the push I needed in booking my flights in the first place. And I had a big conversation with God in that if I didn’t meet anyone on my travels then His voice DID have some merit after all. I was at a cross roads where I had the urge that I really needed to do something different this year. That something big needed to happen, and that I had worked hard and needed to get away from it all.
The trip itself was exactly what I needed. I went to New York the previous March, and that was the last time in the last decade I had seen at least somewhat of a different culture (Ok , I know New York isn’t that different than Vancouver, but you catch my drift right?). My whole life I grew up with some sort of British pride seeing as I am a British citizen by descent and being proud that my mother had been born in Scotland. I had always wanted to go and see the town and country she called home for part of her life. The country I claim where I get half of my fiestiness from. I had always said that I would travel Europe, but for some reason it never worked out in my favour. But on June 21 I finally booked my plane ticket to London.
The next day Britexit happened.
To be honest, it really didn’t affect us, except for the pound dropping a few points which actually worked out in our favour.
On July 19 we boarded the plane and headed off to London. Our trip consisted of 3 days in London, and from there until the 25 we kind of winged it. I had never done any sort of flex traveling before, but was excited to try it out. I felt like this was the only beginning of trips like this. And most of all, I was so excited to get out and Photograph a city I had never been to. I packed my camera hoping some sort of creativity would come out and I was so happy it did.
I will admit, I can’t remember the last time I photographed. My camera sat in my closet and I couldn’t even find half my gear when it came to packing for the trip. I had nothing to give, but when I got out of the train station and stepped foot in the Kennsington area of town, I knew I had it in me still.
Do I still photograph with the same insecurities? Absolutly. I was traveling with one of them…
It was hard to push through over thinking it all. And in the end, as I go through them all that I have talent, that the photos I took put a huge smile on my face. I can’t be thinking about what other people think. Because most of the time they are acting on their own insecurities, trying to make themselves feel better.
If we’re being really honest here, I was traveling with someone as equally as self conscious as I am, but acts out more through their insecurities. A lot of the time I come away from this person feeling like I’m never worthy enough. But after years being in this persons life, and frankly growing up, I’ve learned it’s not that I’m unworthy, because I am, in every way, just as thee are. But there are some people who just feed thier own insecurities by tearing other people down so they can feel as though they are better. It’s something everyone is guilty of. I am even guilty of it in some aspects.
Moving on though…
I felt energized again, because I was traveling and photographing, which if you had to ask me what kind of photography do I love to do, it would be travel. To photograph a city in its urban landscape is exciting to me. I love capturing the sights and people of a city. That’s why I love Vancouver so much, is not only the sights and scenery, but the people you can photograph at any time. But like I said, I’ve never really had the opportunity to travel abroad much.
So now being home for 2 months now and back into the full swing of life and routine (especially with it being fall) I have made it a priority to take more pictures, even with just my phone (which I’m starting to wonder if it’s a better camera than my Nikon…) but to keep myself in that mind set of looking at things as if I was looking through a camera, to post more photos, to look into selling prints, making contacts. Things like that.
I want to believe that I have a talent in Photography, that God has instilled this talent and creativity in me for a reason, and I want to live it out. Being away and pushing myself not only by traveling and working out last minute details, decision making on the fly, and all other situations that arise when you travel, but also creatively. To photograph building that are thousands of years old, to people who live in a different culture than my own, and to see and capture current events being lived out right infront of me.
I want to be a part of that.